I have a fruit tree in my backyard that makes fruit to order. I go out to the tree. The tree says, “Yes, Fred?” I request a particular piece of fruit. The tree says, “Okay, it will be a few minutes.” I take a seat in a chair next to the tree. There’s a small […]
My brain p0pped out of my head through my ear and landed on the floor. I said, “What are you doing down there?” My brain said, “I need some fresh air.” I said, “Okay, how about I take you outside for a walk?” My brain said, “I would like that!” I picked up my brain, […]
I took a trip up to the North Pole today. I’d never been there before. I like to go to where I’ve never been. When I get to the new place I take a moment to notice the change from having not been there to being there. It’s subtle but worth it. So anyway, I […]
Earlier today I saw out the back window a rhinoceros eating my cherry tree. I went outside and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt you.” The rhinoceros stopped eating and said, “Yes, what?” I said, “I’m Fred, what’s your name?” The rhinoceros said, “Beldon.” I said, “Beldon, can I make you a sandwich?” Beldon said, “What […]
I got in my time-travel machine and went back to the day I was born. My mom was in labor in the hospital. She said, “Who are you?” I said, “It’s me, Mom! You son, Fred!” She said, “Oh, hi Fred! I was just about to deliver you.” I said, “That’s so exciting!” My mom […]
On my second birthday I said my first word which was, “Fred!” My parents got excited. Then I proceeded to say, “Fred” 265 times in a row. My mother kept count. I still like the sound of my name. Fred. It feels good to write it too. I think my name when I go to […]
I got in my rocket ship and flew to the rings of Saturn. I parked just outside the rings, put on my spacesuit and ice skates, got out, and began to skate on the rings. They are solid ice and multicolored, so it was like skating on a rainbow. It’s like the 12th time I’ve […]
Today I got out of bed and fell for a long, long, long while. While I was falling, I wondered what happened to the floor? It was there last night when I went to bed. And how was my bed not falling? It seems that my bed should have been falling along with me. I […]
I was visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. He showed up suddenly and said, “Hey, Fred!” I said, “Hi, Abe!” He’s been visiting me every Friday afternoon for the past seven years. I asked him why once. He said, “I don’t know why.” I said, “That’s good enough for me.” Abe said, “Can we […]
When I awake in the morning, I get out of bed and go to the window. I look outside and say, “Hello, it’s me Fred!” Either a tree, a rabbit, the Sun, the ground, a rock, a fox, or a dandelion say, “Hi, Fred!” Sometimes they say it at the same time. I go to […]