The tree said, “Is Covid still happening?” I said, “Unfortunately.” The tree said, “Is there anything I can do?” I said, “Not that I can think of.” The tree said, “A while back there was a terrible blight. Many of the trees were stricken. I had it myself and recovered. But some other trees weren’t […]
I got in my boat and rowed out to the middle of the lake. I laid down in the boat and closed my eyes. I fell asleep. When I woke it was night. The stars glowed down on me. I felt a breeze on my face. It was a bat. The bat was flying back […]
I’m working on a book about the history of water. It starts four and a half billion years ago. There wasn’t water. And then suddenly water appeared. Its name was Ralph. Ralph had traveled all the way from Pluto, a planet made of ice. He was looking for a change of scenery. He found a […]
I’ve been visiting the Moon a lot lately. I can’t help it. I look up in the sky at night and it waves at me and I get all excited and get in my rocket ship and fly up there. When I arrive, I put on my space suit and go out for a walk. […]
There’s a volcano in my back yard. It’s name is Mowdy. Mowdy the Volcano. Mowdy is mostly dormant, pretty much always sleeping. But today I heard a big yawn and looked out my back window and saw that Mowdy had woken up and was smoking. I said, “Good morning, Mowdy!” Mowdy said, “Oh, hi Fred! […]
I woke up this morning thinking about how much fun it would be to just walk backwards. So that’s what I’ve been doing. At first it was difficult because I couldn’t see where I was going and I walked into the television and it fell over and broke. But then I thought I’d been watching […]
I like to walk. I prefer it over driving. There’s something fine and dandy about using my feet and legs to get someplace. And they appreciate it too! Yesterday I walked to Milsner’s Grocery Emporium. On the way my feet said, “This is great, Fred!” My legs said, “Yeah, thanks for the jaunt.” I’m good […]
I can breathe underwater. I’m not a fish. I don’t have gills. I can swallow water and absorb the oxygen without drowning. I went to a doctor once and asked her how this was possible. She said she didn’t know. Sometimes I swim underwater. Sometimes I walk. Swimming is easier. But sometimes I get tired […]
I took my rocket ship to the Sun. I arrived to the surface of the Sun and landed. I got out wearing my triple thick asbestos space suit. I felt around for the door handle. I grabbed it and opened the door. I went in and closed the door behind me. Inside the Sun is […]
I was out for a walk when a tiger jumped out from behind a bush. I was startled. The tiger said, “Oh Fred, I’m not going to eat you!” I said, “Mister Tiger, I wasn’t thinking that. It’s just that I was taken aback because your stripes are so beautiful!!” 2. I was feeling restless […]